Oh, this perfectionism! How many nerves he spoiled those who can not live at full strength. I want to write a cool resume and get a dream job - but in the end, the resume is thrown in the middle, because it seems to be not ideal, and you continue to work in a boring company.
I want to learn how to dance bachatu and participate in parties - but in the end you run out of the dance school after the first two classes, because it doesn’t work as well as that of the coaches. “So what,” you think, “I will watch dance competitions at home on TV, I don’t have to spend money on costumes.”
You start to write a music track - and you throw, in despair, after trying a dozen variants of composition and arrangement.
As Martin Frost used to say in one of his performances: “A classic musical approach is, for example, to play Beethoven’s Fourth Concerto again and again, observing the score until the last note. ! The score requires you to play like this. ”We were taught to do everything right, to strive for perfection. Then it becomes a habit that leads to creative self-restraint. You are afraid to take a step aside .... this plan is classical and jazz. The gap is huge. The last time I listened to a jazz orchestra, I had a feeling that the musicians were relaxed. Relaxed and just playing. " That's what I meant when I talk about musical perfectionism!
If you have found yourself in those examples at least a little bit, if the desire to do everything “perfect or not at all” has repeatedly depressed you, then it makes no sense to postpone it anymore. It's time! It's time to start a fight with your perfectionism and the syndrome of excellent.
For starters, you should believe in the imperfection of the world. He's not perfect, you know that? So it is not possible to achieve perfection in our imperfect world. It will often be much faster and more efficient to complete the job by 80% and proceed to the next, than to bring it to 100% perfect performance and lose valuable time. Well, fix the idea? The world is not perfect, relax.
How do psychologists like to talk there? Recognizing a problem is the first step towards solving it. So now you have to admit to yourself: “Yes, I have an excellent student complex”. Phew... Well, it became a little easier? When you again want to do something to the millimeter perfect, just remember that this is a complex. And relax, and do not as perfect as planned. Can we not cope with some kind of complex? How to cope! Read on!
Whether you thought about it or not, the legs of perfectionism grow out of ... the evaluations of those around you. Yes-Yes! It is the criticism of others, the fear of reaction from the side that makes us chase after an unattainable ideal. Therefore, we must cultivate a healthy carelessness. How? Yes, at least three times a day to repeat the “magic spell”: “The most important and valuable thing is my life. What matters is what happens inside of me, not how others react to it. ”
Give a decent answer to all the critics around you, who still strive to prick you more painfully.
Do not look at others, do not try to please everyone. Listen only to yourself and do not waste your time and energy on the unattainable - you can't be liked by absolutely everyone.
Let's sit down, brew a fragrant tea (well, or coffee - who loves it as much) and think: where did it come from, this perfectionism? Where do the roots of the notorious honors complex go? Maybe (although why “maybe”, for sure!), It all started in childhood? Maybe your parents didn’t praise you enough, and you had to prove every day that you deserve their attention? Undervalued in childhood often degenerates into the pursuit of perfection in adulthood. Prove, prove, prove once again that I am better than others, that I deserve attention and praise, that I deserve love! But if these are children's problems, can we - adults - not be able to find their solution? Think of all your merits. Write a list of your achievements and start to be proud of yourself. If you are still unsure of your own worth, ask your friends for an opinion. Let them tell you why they love you, and how valuable it is to them to communicate with you.
Fill yourself with confidence, write yourself praise for every successful business, even the most insignificant. Speak affirmative positive affirmations - let others and relatives also be convinced that you deserve praise and approval. Cooked a delicious soup? Loudly praise ourselves out loud. Tied baby spring hat? We do not forget to tell our husband about this and sincerely admire ourselves. Dismissed from unloved work? We are proud to tell our friends about this and tick the boxes “courage” and “determination”.
Do not forget to praise yourself and admire yourself, at least three times a day.
Right now, a second after you have read this phrase, allow yourself to be wrong. You are not a robot, but a living person who must, no, must have the right to make mistakes. And do not push yourself after its commission.
Play imperfect! Make mistakes intentionally. Well, for example, today re-salt the soup. And tomorrow, paint only one eye and walk along the street like this. Well, already scary? Fine! The more fear and rejection this
idea causes you, the better! That result will be steeper. The main point of this challenge is to allow yourself to make mistakes not in words but in deeds.
Often perfectionists do not know how to delegate, because no one will do this business better than themselves. Think it's not about you?
But don't you often forbid yourself to delegate the routine work with corporate clients to your subordinates, because you think that they will definitely do something wrong, and have you made contact with these clients for so long?
Delegate things, trust other people, allow not only yourself to make mistakes, but also your colleagues, relatives and children! Perfectionists often want to do everything at once, they make up kilometer lists of things that cannot be done. And this means that they are driving themselves into an inexorable depression because of their non-ideality and the impossibility of solving all problems at once in a flash.
That's enough!
Right today we are conducting an audit of the to-do list. Step one: mercilessly delete irrelevant things from it: those that no longer have any sense to solve, or those that can be safely reassigned to someone else (see the previous paragraph). We leave in the list only important things.
Step Two: Slowly doing things from the list. By step per day. Half a step a day. Every day, a little bit, so as not to "burn out". And do not be afraid of this turtle pace. You will see that in an unhurried rhythm things are solved much faster than in a desperate race.
Oh, how you want to be a professional in everything: create sites, make beautiful layouts, write music hits, learn how to play the guitar, and grow a selective strawberry ... And a million skills to the load! Familiar? Perfectionists often grab for a lot of things, try themselves in different directions, but often grab knowledge “to the top,” because it is impossible to understand everything.
You need, it is just vital to prioritize and choose a niche in which you will most actively develop and improve, and leave the rest as part of a hobby. And then the result and satisfaction from their own success will not keep you waiting.
Setting global goals on a large scale is a favorite activity of perfectionists. They set themselves overwhelming tasks, with enthusiasm embarking on them and ... exhaled somewhere at the beginning of the path. They are dissatisfied with the quality of their work, they believe that they have got down to the matter not competently enough, in short everything is ruined, you can continue and not continue.
But what if you take on the target a simpler, more attractive purpose? It can be achieved more quickly, you can do the job well enough, you can enjoy the process and the result and not hurt your self-esteem. Perfectionists need to teach themselves to set short-term goals. Reach them and set new ones. Small steps to a big goal - this is the essence of this advice.
One of the consequences of perfectionism is procrastination. A person is waiting for ideal conditions to start a big business and ... do not wait for them. He wants to complete the task perfectly, but he understands that for now this is impossible and ... puts it off. Great ideas remain ideas. At the same time, others do not wait until the right stars converge in the sky, but simply take and do. Make, make mistakes, correct mistakes, learn from them and achieve success.
Let's face it: there are no perfect conditions. Something will always be wrong, but this is not a reason to postpone the case for “later”.
Choose one thing that you are afraid to start or for which “time has not come yet”, and make it today 1 minute. Minute, not more!
Tomorrow, work on this matter for 2 minutes, the day after tomorrow - 3, and so on. It is important to do this every day, not shirking. And so gradually get involved and realize that now everything is working out, right now there are the necessary (if not ideal) conditions for the realization of your ideas.
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